What is 'normal' baby sleep?
Are you wondering what your baby's sleep is meant to look like? Being told that your little one ‘should’ be sleeping through 'by now'? Feeling like everyone else’s babies sleep so much better than yours?
Newborn sleep is naturally fragmented because their small stomachs require frequent feedings, typically every 2-3 hours, both day and night. In the early weeks and months, babies haven't yet developed their own circadian rhythm, meaning they can't differentiate between day and night. Their sleep cycles are also much shorter than adults’, and they have a higher proportion of REM sleep, which is lighter and more easily disrupted. This constant need to wake, feed, and go back to sleep again is biologically normal and essential for their rapid growth and brain development, even though it can be exhausting for parents. Over time, as babies stomach capacity increases, feeding becomes better established and their sleep patterns mature, longer stretches of sleep do gradually emerge.
Perhaps your slightly older baby was sleeping well, and you had noticed a natural routine emerging, with a few longer stretches of sleep at night but all of a sudden, you’re left baffled (and exhausted) because something has changed and your little one is waking more often, and you're unexpectedly dealing with with what feels like impossibly broken sleep?
Society and modern (unrealistic!) expectations of baby sleep can really make you feel like you must be doing something wrong.... as if parenting isn’t difficult enough! However I can pretty much guarantee you’ll be doing a great job, and everything you are experiencing with your little one is completely normal! Baby sleep isn't linear and many things can affect it, including common developmental leaps, feeding issues, growth spurts, environmental changes, and sometimes just a need for an extra reassurance cuddle in the middle of the night, for no obvious reason except that the dead of night can be a lonely time for all of us!
Of course, there are a small percentage of teeny tiny mythical beings that do sleep all night (and if you are parenting one of those, count yourself very lucky!) Some babies are just naturally good sleepers from early on. BUT, if not, you’re in good company. Please be reassured that the majority of babies are also NOT sleeping all the way through by 6 months. And that is totally normal. A study of 640 babies (Sadler, 1994) showed only 16% were sleeping through the night at this age. If you have a baby younger than 6 months, and were hoping to get a guaranteed full nights sleep sometime soon, that could be slightly unrealistic (sorry!)….although it’s not to say it isn’t possible.
It’s also worth remembering everyone’s definition of ‘sleeping through’ is completely different. Your perception may be different to someone else’s. ‘Sleeping through’ for some is 6 to 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, for some it's sleeping the core hours of midnight to 5am (or longer), and for others it's 7am - 7pm. There is so much variance, its impossible to compare, and so we shouldn’t, as every baby and family is different.
From around 6 months, your baby is likely to begin to be capable of sleeping for longer periods at night however, though it’s perfectly normal to still need some reassurance or feeds during this time, and for sleep to be affected by developmental leaps which are frequent at this age onwards, hence the increased waking and unsettled nights! At 8-10 months there is often an increased awareness for babies, of the fact they are actually separate from their carer and this can cause them to need a lot of extra reassurance for a while, until the separation anxiety settles.
Unsettled sleep can follow your little ones through to the toddler stage. Take some comfort from a study of over 55,000 children between the ages of 6 to 18 months (Hysing et al, 2014) showing that up to 80% of little ones still wake between 1 to 3 times a night. It is still extremely common for your baby to wake - though this may not be what you want to hear! But it is biologically normal and doesn't mean there is anything 'wrong' with your baby, or what you are doing.
It’s very easy to become overwhelmed (especially when you’re shattered) when your little one keeps waking at night, but focusing on making sure that they nap (for age appropriate amounts and times) and feed well in the day, will encourage progress. And remember, this doesn’t last forever! Your baby will be sleeping longer and better before you know it.
What works for you, and what you choose to do to manage is okay. It’s okay to rock your baby, feed to sleep, or lie with them until they go to sleep, if that helps - unless you start to find it is no longer working for you and your little one, in which case it is also fine to make gentle, responsive changes to make things more manageable for you.
There are also ways of managing broken sleep to help to prevent exhausting yourself. Try to rest when you can (even a 15-20 min power nap can make a huge difference!), accept any offers of help and perhaps consider safe co-sleeping especially if you are breastfeeding, so you can rest in between feeds and resettles, as long as you feel comfortable doing so. Lots of safety advice can be found on co-sleeping via The Lullaby Trust.
There are some sleep challenges that may require some expert support. If your baby is waking more than you can manage or struggling to settle back down after night wakes, please get in touch to have a chat about how myself and my Sleep Team can help you or refer you to the right specialist who can assist should this be needed.
We only use gentle strategies that don’t interfere with feeding or bonding, but work on attachment, optimising sleep in both the day and at night, and ensuring the chosen approach is suited to both you and your family, with a bespoke approach to match your goals and values.
If you would like further support, please contact me! Or please visit https://www.everythingbirthbabysleep.co.uk/book-online to book a consultation and bespoke sleep coaching package tailored specifically to your family's needs and parenting style.
With gentle hugs
Emily x
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